Lost in a daydream.

Hello,

I don't know you, & I don't know how the situation is like now. But I know, that I'm so freaking jealous of you right now.

Well I heard that you are quite a nice girl. That sucks yknow. Also, it sucks that your instagram is private. I can't stalk you.

I wonder if you know my existence. And if you do, are you a secret stalker like me? I am at such disadvantage if you are, cuz my instagram is public and that means you have a better idea of me than me of you.

You are the reason why I'm not doing anything. Because you are in the picture now, every possible action that I can take is morally wrong, with the exception of walking away of course. 

This is killing me. And is also propelling me to go against the resolutions I've set for myself this year - to drink less, to be positive, to be a good person (with sound morals).

Because I am this useless. I can't deal with my emotions using a non-alcoholic way.

I don't want to harm my body like that. But the frustration when I can't stop thinking of him (worse still, him and you happily ever after) and my regret, of putting up a front when he asked me that question 3 months ago. Stupid, how stupid. I can't forgive myself. It's agonising, I want to detach from consciousness so bad.